The Power of Silence

The power of silence – when you lose your train of thought during a conversation and nothing comes to mind, silence spreads. First, it’s an eternity of two seconds, then five or ten seconds. It’s quite an uncomfortable feeling because everyone has the urge to fill the silence or to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Simply Staying Quiet

However, this uncomfortable silence can be just the right thing in some situations. This may seem surprising at first, but if you unexpectedly have to answer a challenging, meaningful, or provocative question, the power of silence becomes important.

Steve Jobs and Elon Musk

There are prominent examples of this being practiced publicly. Justin Bariso from the US magazine Inc. mentions Apple founder Steve Jobs and Tesla founder Elon Musk.

Thinking About the Answer for 20 Seconds

Bariso writes that both of these major entrepreneurs don’t answer questions immediately in interviews but take some time to think about their responses. For instance, Bariso points to an interview with Elon Musk where he was asked about the shift in company culture from a startup to a global corporation. Musk remains silent for 15 seconds before answering. Interestingly, the interviewers and listeners endure the silence with great anticipation, as if the ultimate answer is about to come (this scene happens at minute 20 in the video). This creates a great sense of suspense.

There is a similar example from Steve Jobs, who used the same approach when he was publicly criticized. During one of Apple’s famous developer conferences in 1997, a participant took the microphone and told Jobs that he didn’t know what he was talking about. The participant continued and asked what Jobs had been doing in the past years, as Jobs had only recently returned to Apple at that time.

Handling Provocation Calmly

This was a clear provocation, and knowing Jobs, one might have expected him to explode. But Jobs responded differently. He first took a sip of water and began by saying that you can’t please everyone. Then, he paused for 20 seconds. He remained calm and addressed the participant’s comments, even agreeing with him in parts. This response was convincing and composed (here is the video).

Pause to Think

Bariso refers to this as the “Rule of Awkward Silence” – a thinking pause of uncomfortable silence. If you try this for the first time, it feels like a kind of “personal torture” to endure the silence. However, it sends a powerful signal to your listeners or conversation partners. When you first practice this, you can also say, “That’s a good question; let me think about it for a moment.”

It’s like a reset button that allows you to gather and organize your thoughts. This pause also helps you take a deep breath and “park” any possible resentment or anger, instead of speaking impulsively without knowing what you’re actually saying.